Episode Two: Attack of the Clones

[Overlord Baal]

© CYBERIUS BA'AL PRODUCTIONS

We present Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones!

Along time ago in a galaxy far far away...

Evil lurks around every corner. The freedom of the galaxies is still under threat from King and the lapdog alliances. Balor's fury grows each day SLS stands. From even 100 light years away Balor and Erl's whinges and moaning can be heard.

Hapless, bumbling Misery adds to King's problems. More than half the teen's systems are in open rebellion and Legio's fleets remain unable to move from the stronghold for fear of being defeated.

Meanwhile, SLS keeps the flame of hope for the galaxies alive...

****
The 40s wormhole



SLS Freedom Command has been bolstered by new allies.

Midway

I really thank you all for being here. This alliance is fantastic. You are the best of friends man, woman, or cyborg could ask for.

Sam Carter

It is because you to not break your pacts, like KING, WKYSB and LEGIO do, Midway. You are honourable. You've helped keep our fleets safe and we will help you in return.

****
Meanwhile, somewhere in the darkness of the 00's...

Balor


"Erls! ERLS! GET HERE NOW, GIRL. WE HAVE WORK TO DO!"

Erls


"I'm sorry, master... I'm coming... my bum hurts..."

"Shut up. Is the fleet assembled? Are we ready to kill?"

"No... we're not ready..."

"Order the attack, Erls! SLS have laughed at me for too long. I am Balor. I am the greatest dic tator in the Astroverse! I am the cleverest, smartest, cheatingest, bad-*beep*! I will win Nova! I must win Nova! I can't maintain my sexual prowess if I do not win Nova! Get me Misery! Now!"

"Yes... yes, master Balor. Main screen turn on!"

The main screen turns on.

Misery


Strangely, an automated message is heard "Hi, men, thith ith Mithery, leader of the tinietht thtronghold guild. Ever! OMG! I am currently away undergoing reconthtructhive thurgery to my you-know-what. Pleathe leathe your methage after the Juthtin Bieber Muthic! Thankth for calling Legio!"

A gutteral, roaring sound is heard rumbling through Balor's corridors of darkness. Later, Erls emerges beaten black and blue...

But the launch is on!

****

Later...

On board Erl's USS Wrong Hole


"Quickly, quickly, we must launch!"

"Yes, commander... ehh... where have you been?"

"Picking up my sanitary pads... err... the chemist. Launch! Quickly! We're late!"

"Don't worry, sir. We're not late, we have a new auto-launcher. Oh, your girlfriend called..."

"Tee hee hee... I mean... em... good to go! Launch quickly!"

At 1602, the combined might of the navies of evil struggle to sync..."

****

The 40s wormhole




GDSS Doomsday - Overlord Ba'al is on watch duty.

"Your Infinites, our long range scanners detect movement. Enemy en route. Balor comes."

Overlord Ba'al


"GOOD. I WILL CAPTURE HIM MYSELF IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT. PREPARE MY WARSCYTHE. TELL MY QUEEN I WILL BE OUT TONIGHT, WE WILL DINE ON ROAST HEART OF BALOR TOMORROW."

"Yes..." pause "Her Empress replies if you're out tonight you're on baby duty all week."

"SO BE IT!"

****

Meanwhile...

Quake


"Comrades. Scanners detect the united launch... it's... I'm looking at Balor's array... a bit small... so is the launch."

****

Meanwhile... THE LAUNCH IS MAJESTIC INDEED. NEVER BEFORE HAS THE GALAXY WITNESSED SUCH AN INVASION.

King has 3.3 billion fleet.
WKYSB has 1.8 billion fleet.
Legio is full of muppets.

The Grand Most Majestic Balor Has Managed To Launch 45 Frigates, One Dreadnought, Six Corvettes And A Recycler On Time. None Of Them Remember Fighters. The Mighty Navy Rumbles Forward...

Ten Seconds Later, The Main Force Is Launched. Over One Hundred Cruisers With Some Fighter Are Also Launched!

Sporadic best describes the haphazard launch...

****


Balor is shouting into his telecommunications system


"What Happened? Where did my fleets go? This is no way to win a crash!... Hello.... Erls? Iblis? Magma? Did you launch?!"

Iblis

"No, sir, I'm here, em, you're sitting on my knee. Um. Are we the same person, or just joined at the hips? Anyway, Sorry I missed the launch."

"Get me Erls, quickly!"

blank screen

"Where is he? I saw him launch?!"

It later transpires Erls has launched to the wrong hole.

"What is the insolence? Get me Misery!"

Misery


"Hi, men, thith ith Mithery, leader of the tinietht..."

"ARGH! RECALL! RECALL! NOT EVEN MISERY CAN BE BLAMED THIS TIME!"

****

Meanwhile - the Universe Celebrates!





****

Meanwhile...

N40's, The Emperor's Command...



The Galactic Dynasty's Empress will not let the Supreme Overlord Ba'al off baby routine all week. He is attempting to change the baby cyborg's nappy. He mutters to himself...

"DAMN YOU BALOR. YOU ARE A CHEAT, A FIEND, A POOR LEADER, YOU COULDN'T ORGANISE AN A PARTY IN A BREWERY YET IT IS MY CLAWS COVERED IN BABY POO. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE, BALOR... YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT!"



Please note, some scenes may be similar to Episode One. This is intentional.

[RobbStark]

dont even play nove.
+1

[Trolll]

+1

Funniest thing I've read on the forums in a long time.

[Nova Link]

I have to say that these episodes are getting better and better and one of the reasons why I still play Nova. Can't wait to see the episodes to come. Good job!

[Luftwaffe]

Misery's picture is easily the most accurate.

[crazymonkey]

Love it brother haha made my night

[Baylor]

A funny story is a funny story. The OP exposes his bias and this sadly undermines the pure comedic nature of the story if he wasn't all slavish like "SLS is overpowered af, KING is weird"

My picture and Quake's are the two least accurate. Flip them and it works alright. OP is all like "oh man Quake is overpowered af he is sooooooooooo crazy-good at this game I gotta give him a deity-monster avatar." Nonsense. This is a kid who is so mentally weak and .we've discussed all his embarrassing "associations" elsewhere. Backstabbed all his guilds of 1+ year, got raped and zeroed on every server he plays except for L and maybe G. So I guess that makes him some kind of folk hero that he stabbed and got destroyed but no if you look at his accounts and his "got raped by Balor War" losses record then he's not that op.

[Ace Rimmer]

chill out balor

I thought Misery's picture picture looked great, i still couldn't understand a word he said

[Overlord Baal]

DECREE OF OVERLORD BA'AL THE INFINITE



Fleshy mortal Balor, you have a very high opinion of yourself. You would do well to remember what comes after pride.

I take great personal exception to being told I am biased. The reconstruction has been meticulously done, using transcripts from captured KING and Legio slaves; from intercepted intelligence between your ships; and generally from what we know about you. My very best film makers produced this fine Record Of Great Historical Achievement.

As for your little spat with my friend and good ally Quake, all I can say is:

Quake - Level: 45.99
Balor - Level: 12.01

BY DECREE
Ba'alum Ex Deus est ad infinitum

[RobbStark]

DECREE OF OVERLORD BA'AL THE INFINITE
generally from what we know about you

please expand, im bored and i havent finished my popcorn

[Tasman]

A funny story is a funny story. The OP exposes his bias and this sadly undermines the pure comedic nature of the story if he wasn't all slavish like "SLS is overpowered af, KING is weird"

My picture and Quake's are the two least accurate. Flip them and it works alright. OP is all like "oh man Quake is overpowered af he is sooooooooooo crazy-good at this game I gotta give him a deity-monster avatar." Nonsense. This is a kid who is so mentally weak and .we've discussed all his embarrassing "associations" elsewhere. Backstabbed all his guilds of 1+ year, got raped and zeroed on every server he plays except for L and maybe G. So I guess that makes him some kind of folk hero that he stabbed and got destroyed but no if you look at his accounts and his "got raped by Balor War" losses record then he's not that op.

So balor can't take a joke.

And out that whole WoT and such you decide to be pissed about the picture of Quake?!?!?!?!?

I think the OP has won this round of trolling.

[TRACE]

look forward to the next one

[DstoneVM]

miserys lisp is priceless... well written

[Shark Bait]

Errmm..... Guys this is not a story! This is what happened
Was pretty damn funny though

[fd4ruleall]

A funny story is a funny story. The OP exposes his bias and this sadly undermines the pure comedic nature of the story if he wasn't all slavish like "SLS is overpowered af, KING is weird"

My picture and Quake's are the two least accurate. Flip them and it works alright. OP is all like "oh man Quake is overpowered af he is sooooooooooo crazy-good at this game I gotta give him a deity-monster avatar." Nonsense. This is a kid who is so mentally weak and .we've discussed all his embarrassing "associations" elsewhere. Backstabbed all his guilds of 1+ year, got raped and zeroed on every server he plays except for L and maybe G. So I guess that makes him some kind of folk hero that he stabbed and got destroyed but no if you look at his accounts and his "got raped by Balor War" losses record then he's not that op.

So balor can't take a joke.

And out that whole WoT and such you decide to be pissed about the picture of Quake?!?!?!?!?

I think the OP has won this round of trolling.

Even though it's a dig at my side, I still approve. +1 to you fine sir.